I am supposed to learn and grow from every experience, not punish myself for still feeling them.

I believe the relationships of our lives harm us, they can break us down and make us to view ourselves as someone we are not. They change us, scare us, and dammit, they stay with us.

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I choose my best pictures for my profile (of course), and wondered if it would be apparent that’s what I did when he saw me.

As he stood up from his seat and greeted me as I walked in, his big smile said he wasn’t disappointed.

I’m not talking about dating; I’m talking about how it feels to be a woman who’s been through a divorce and really, really let yourself be vulnerable and open to finding love again. I thought I was ready, but then I had second thoughts.

Those thoughts have run through my mind constantly since meeting him, but I can’t do it — I don’t know how to be anyone other than a woman who found out her husband was having an affair after 10 years of marriage. Because whenever I tell her to let go, whenever I scream, “Fuck off and let me move on” in her face, she won’t fuck off and leave. I don’t know how to let go of the insecurities I feel about the fact my marriage ended in divorce.

There are those of us who try to sabotage a healthy relationship before the person leaves us.

Since my divorce, I have become one of those women.And that means not shutting out all the pieces that made me who I am today.All the joy, all the hurt, all the sorrow from past relationships are mine.It depends on the type of date and your ultimate goal. If your ex is going to be a major topic, you’re not ready.Of course, they’ll be the obligatory “So, what happened?It’s more about letting yourself grow and realize you are deserving of a special kind of love.