I was at the cemetery when I decided to set up my first online dating profile.I was visiting my husband’s grave nine months after his death, and I thought about how much life I still had left to live.While I am of course okay with dating a divorced man, I have found that widows and divorcees have different points of view about the past.

If the roles were reversed, and I was a non-widowed single person dating a widower, I’m sure I’d feel a degree of insecurity about my partner’s attachment to his late wife.

But the other option — to leave Shawn behind forever — is not something I’m going to choose. A few days after setting up my online profiles, I decided to take them down. I wasn’t quite sure why I felt this way, only that I was pretty sure I couldn’t communicate the wholeness of my experience in just a few sentences and a handful of photos.

But when I look at my digital options, I feel overwhelmed by even the seemingly small issues that arise all the time.

Most of the formerly married people I see online are divorced.

“That will scare you into never dating again,” she told me.

Of course, plenty of widows meet a great “chapter two” (widow parlance for a love after loss) and are able to move on to a new relationship.

I cried as I deleted the last profile, though I didn’t know if it was from relief or something else. “I know he’s out in the universe cheering me on,” I said to a friend later that night. Before we started dating, Shawn was my friend, and he used to offer me dating advice.

I wonder what he’d say about my tragic forays into the dating world.

Another found love in a grief group, only to find out that the man was horribly demeaning and all they really shared was the incredible bad luck that brought them to the group.